29 Year Zinger

Everybody gets zinged from time to time. You might be having an off day and someone verbally checks you and you’re speechless. The worst thing you can do is try and rebut with a half ass retort. Bad news for you if the other dude is on his game. Decades ago I was zinged and it was legendary. To this day, no one has put it on me like this and hopefully no one will.

For the record, my first real skateboard was a Santa Cruz Jammer with Indys. It was from a yard sale. I don’t remember what the wheels were because I didn’t know shit about skateboards at the time. The one thing I do remember is the guy selling it said, “It has Independent Trucks, they’re the best.” and that is a fact to this day. At the time I really didn’t get the hook from skating. It took about a year to hit. 1984 was the year and I wanted a real skateboard. One with rails, copers, nosebones, and all the other plastic crap that all the “good” boards had.

I was in San Diego with my family and my Mom and I walked into a skate shop in the mall. In retrospect I should have known better to buy a skateboard from a mall. I saw a white Variflex board with a Ninja standing in front of a volcano erupting the brightest neon pink lava and I had to have it. It seemed radical with black Variflex trucks with red and black wheels split with the 50/50 color. I talked my Mom into it and I was thinking I was hot shit with my first Pro skateboard. When we got back home, I couldn’t wait to bring it to Jr. High and show it off to the other skaters. I thought I was a skater at the time. Not so much, having a skateboard does not constitute being an actual skateboarder. Cruise around a college campus and you’ll get the point.

I’m walking up to school and there was a group of skaters and one of them asked to see my board. I was certain I was going to get props on what a bitchin stick I had. This Ninja board was going to give me some serious street cred. The kids name was Wade. He proceeded to ask me, “Where did you get your board, Mervyns?”. I was so pissed. How dare he question my Variflex Ninja. My shit had neon pink lava spewing all over the place. I looked at Wade and replied with the utmost confidence, “No. I got it in California.”, because in my mind California was the absolute coolest place on the fucking planet. It was populated entirely by Surfers, Skaters, and hot blondes with giant tits. His retort was quick, razor sharp, and I have never forgotten it to this day. I personally think it was the best line in the history of comebacks. Wade simply asked, “Where? Mervyns in California?”. His timing was perfect, the material was untouchable. To this day NO ONE has zinged me with such authority. I muttered something pathetic like “No, San Diego.” but, it was pointless. I was hit and there was no recovery. I can imagine my red face was lighting the way to the wall I stood against, alone and defeated.

The funny thing is maybe a month later I cut up a Madrid Skateboard sticker and did a custom sticker job on my Ninja board. All the skater kids were hanging out in front of the movie theater and a kid named Kris checked out my board and assumed it was a Madrid Limited Edition Ninja and I didn’t try to correct him by any means. Back then I really wanted to fit in with the rest of the skaters, everything else was football and all of the jock shit. After that my Ninja board seemed a little cooler and my road to mongo pushing was on it’s way. Within another year, skateboardings popularity died and all of those “skaters” quit to jump on the next trend. No matter what though, Wade Adams zinged one into the history books. Soon after, I had a Roskopp III and all was good. California was everything I saw in the movies and music videos but, it let me down on my Ninja board. -ERL Everyone knows that California Girls all look like this when your 14 right? -ERL

Zinged on a Ninja.

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